one year later

*Drafted this in June but never got around to posting it...well here it is! Unedited and without visuals... seemed more authentically me this way.

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Time is such a funny concept. Somehow we are able to feel like it is lost, frozen and precious all in one breath yet we forget that time is not ours. A year ago I began on a journey that had felt forever to start and would take forever to end, but here I am: a nursing student- halfway through her program, fulfilling the calling God had given (what seemed like) so long ago. This year has stretched, thinned, yanked, ripped and made my heart stronger than ever before. There are incredibly long days in the hospital when time seems to move at glacial rates, and then there are days (like today) when time has completely slipped by in studying and reading. Those are the days I question how things ever got accomplished. Where does time go?

During this past year God has blessed me with incredible new friends/comrades, who have become so quickly like family. There doesn't seem to be a day that goes by when I think about how miserable nursing school would have been without these incredible people. We push each other, cry together, eat copious amounts of food (mainly bad), and pray together when life at the moment seems so bleak.

Then there are the #foreverfriends. It seems that no matter what season of life we are all in we can always count on each other for a good time, listening ears and lots of laughs. Although life has pulled us in very different directions this past year, God has continued to bless our friendship to grow in deeper ways than ever before.

Not many people can say that one-third of their family gets married in a year- much less within a few months of each other! In addition to emotionally growing as a family this past year we have also grown in numbers taking on two new additions to contribute to the madness. Whether related by blood or newly added, I am beyond grateful and loved by my family. A gift as wonderful as a supportive family is not one given to everyone. The Lord knew I was going to need people to call while I am away from school, houses to visit when I come home with new furniture to break in, and people to feed me after long days/weeks of inadequate meals. Love is real to me because of them.

We easily forget what a blessing it is to have a path laid before us in life- even greater is to know that the path is one that God has laid before you.

BE-ATITUDES

Recently I had a conversation with my sister about how beautifully scary the ocean is. Absolutely gorgeous. Absolutely terrifying. From our perspective the above layers can be breath-taking with unending color gradients and life-giving qualities (i.e. cool relief in the summer, living quarters for creatures, etc.). While we marvel at it's beautiful stillness- we shiver to consider it's changing power and unknown qualities. We know so little of the full extent of the ocean and yet we are so inclined to dive in.... there's creatures down there that are bigger than cars! i'm completely humbled by the ocean.

Likewise, I'm completely humbled by a Father that created a beautiful world with a fury that could obliterate me at any moment. Kind of scary isn't it? Living a life knowing that there is a force out there that can choose when and where we will no longer be a part of this earth. Perhaps that is why I can appreciate this life that I'm given so much more- it's a gift. Of course, like all gifts to humans, they can be ungrateful and abused at times without remembering the One who gave it to you. (This logic makes Hillsong's Oceans make so much more sense now. good one) With that perspective, He really doesn't ask for that much compared to what He has already given.

[Matt. 5:3-12] The Beatitudes. BE-atitudes. be- ATTITUDES.
Jesus' list of those characteristics that will bring blessings and who will receive those blessings. To BE present even in the bad times, because those are still for the Lord. Have an attitude of humility- recognizing all those that came before and suffered the same or worst.

FLORA & FELICITY

Something is amiss. The person who forgot for a time that she had a blog is now posting two weeks in a row? I know. Feels funky to me too..attention needy or boastful perhaps.. Well you all can't stop me now! (Literally. You're hours too late to stop me from writing this post) There are so many lovely things around me that I have felt the need to share them //because I am needy and want to blab about all the excellent things that happen in life!

Let's start by talking about how gorgeous these hydrangeas are. There is no shame or hesitation on my part when I admit that flowers are a weakness of mine.

Perhaps it began with the far off summer spent working at a friend's flower shop, which was essentially getting paid for hours of messing around with all types of florals and calling them "arrangements". Since moving to the desert the availability of wild florals (or any plant life) has been scarce so I have made a point to bring flowers up every weekend to bring life and inspiration back into my space. There's something beautiful in their monotonous pattern that keeps my gaze...and makes my eyes go wonky.

Remember that Vacationers concert that I mentioned in my last post? IT WAS MOST EXCELLENT. Yes, the all-caps was necessary because unless you were also there to experience the endless #chillvibes that emanated forth from this band then you wouldn't quite understand. If you are into music that you can jam to while simultaneously feeling like you're at the beach then this group is a serious recommend. Thankfully you can find both their albums on spotify, youtube, etc... so go listen..now! The entire concert was a great way to kick off the new week- eclipsed slightly by all of the drunk dudes who lost comprehension of the personal bubble but even they couldn't stop the waves of music. [also... SHOUTOUT TO LE'ANNA & GREG who also went to the concert]

Last thought for this week: I'm choosing joy. One would think that joy isn't necessarily a choice..until you notice that it seems to be lacking. Reflecting upon this past month, it seemed to have lacked some joy but I was reminded of this verse:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the tesing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

Nothing can downplay the joy and freedom given through Christ. Difficulties will always continue to arise from school, family or relationships and there's nothing wrong with me or my life, because God has greater plans in life with a more beautiful purpose for this gawky person. Hosanna. 

lots of love

God likes donuts

It is Monday morning. Unlike normal people with normal schedules, Mondays are kind of my day of rest and recuperation. I am fully aware that the weekends are usually the time for those things but recently my weekends have been quite eventful- though enjoyable not necessarily restful. Although Sundays is a day of spiritual rest sometimes the hustle & bustle of church makes one forget to be still. That brings us to Mondays. With no scheduled class or clinical rotations, a house to myself after the family goes about normal schedules and an ample fridge (thanks mom & dad for letting me come home if only to let this poor student eat) I let myself enjoy a time of reflection.

This particular morning gave rise to some interesting thoughts...

• God likes donuts...and coffee. For sure He likes naps in the park under the warm sun. Trust me. I like donuts, coffee and naps in the park under the warm sun- so He probably does too! Why? Because best friends share your interests and know you. In the past month it has become increasingly evident to me the extent that God is more than just Lord in my life but also a best friend.  

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

2 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

You understand my thought from afar.

3 

You scrutinize my path and my lying down,

And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

4 

Even before there is a word on my tongue,

Behold, O Lord, You know it all.

5 

You have enclosed me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is too high, I cannot attain to it." Psalm 139:1-6

I'm so thankful for the blessing and freedom given to me through Christ knowing me, because that means He will always have the best for me in store and in Him I can always find acceptance. 

• I really miss fishing. My family would go every summer when we were younger and it was not always something I looked forward to. Being younger and getting woken up at dawn, putting on lots of clothes in the frigid cold, and sitting next to a lake for hours without a tv was not necessarily fun. The best part was eating hot chocolate & ramen while throwing marshmallows into the lake. We haven't been for a few years since my dad's shoulder surgery. Now that I'm older (more used to waking early) I can see that there is something very peaceful about the entire experience....maybe even fun?

•  Live music is the best. The energy of the band and the crowd is an experience. Last week my sister and I got tickets to see St. Lucia at the Fonda Theatre in Hollywood and it was the best way to end a stressful week. As much as I love jamming/ awkward dancing to music in my car, there is something so much more enjoyable jamming/ awkward dancing around strangers in a concert. Next week we are going to see one of my new favorite groups, the Vacationers at the Roxy, so if you also happen to be there come be awkward and chill. 

Thanks for sharing in my Monday morning. We should do this again...but right now there's a midterm waiting for me with my name on it...

lots of love

pause

[Currently drowning in pathophysiology and staring out the window thinking about the etiology of my current malaise...]

Please don't let this cheesy photo fool you- I was even more excited hiking through the Zion Narrows in Utah than my thumb and wide smile could express. During my last week of summer freedom a few friends and I squashed ourselves into a rental and drove to Utah. Between work, school and events we gave ourselves 4 days with a loose plan to see 3 of the National Parks and travel time worked in. It was an amazing whirlwind of hiking, hilarious camping, running from flash flooding, nautical twilight star gazing and the most awe inspiring views of God's creation cramped into a modest 3 days. 

a stormy welcome from Zion our first night

drenching hike to the Emerald Pools to kick off our time in Zion

unforeseen thunder + lightning + torrential downpour = night 1 dinner eaten in rental 

Day 2 hiking the Zion Narrows // running from flash flooding

river hiking can be tiring..

Day 2: First glance at Bryce Canyon at sunset

Day 3- Bryce Canyon : home of the hoodoos

Day 3- catching sunset at Cedar...followed by star gazing sprinkled with shooting stars

Day 4- One last look at Cedar before heading home

A magnificent break being fully immersed and still in nature (thank you canyons for making phone reception nil). Coming into another semester of nursing school with my head and heart in the right place- refocused and refreshed. 

Now back to thinking about electrolyte imbalances...

lots of love 

new things & old things

Hello out there? Yes. I forgot this blogged existed for a while. When this blog was birthed the intentions were mixed and cloudy but as it has grown these past few years I liken it to a horribly public window into my life and thinking. While it would be nice to say that I'm not ashamed of my first few posts (what was I thinking? immature narcissist), the optimistic portion of me considers those early posts merely a jumping off point to where I hope that this blog will continue to go. I want this blog to evolve as I also continue to grow through life- going places, trying new things, and learning from mistakes. Go ahead and stick around for the random update every few eons and laugh at/with me while I try with every ounce of my being to formulate my scattered thoughts into words.

Now for a life update: the real reason for my absence (other than sheer laziness) is that God flipped my life upside down not too long ago with a fulfillment of my, and many of your, prayers. I was accepted to Azusa Pacific University's 2+2 Nursing Program! The program began in May and these have been the most incredible, stressful and challenging 3 months of my life. God is so good. A great number of things have happened, so if you come up to me and ask "how's nursing school?" please don't be offended or surprised if the experience is difficult to express, because my mind is constantly in the midst of processing what exactly is happening to me. Know that I am so thankful for everyone's support, love and prayers to the point where there are no words for me to express that gratitude.

Some new things in my life (besides the giantwhalethatisnursingschool):
-God has blessed me with the most amazing group of friends in this program. We spend virtually every moment of every day together and there is never a dull moment

I can't take normal photos...or stop eating fries. Sorry guys.

-Recently I started reading an excellent book that my friend sent me for my birthday called, Power in Prayer by Andrew Murray. It is amazing the depth and beauty of prayer! Looking back on these past few years I have seen the power and comfort of prayer, but this book opens up different views on a person's view of prayer and challenges greater understanding in order to have a greater heart in God. 

-Weddings. This year is a huge one for my family and I am overjoyed to be adding another sister and brother to the Lue clan. 

-Learning to breathe in nursing school. Yes...breathe. Highly recommend watching this video on breathing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwAY9P_izZ0

Now for some "old" things...

-SHE'S BACK! She made her mark on Europe, but LA has been missing my dear friend terribly. I love that time and distance have no impact on our friendship, because even after not seeing her for 6 months we can still do the craziest things together until tears are the product of laughing too hard. 

-Napping has made it's way back into my daily schedule. Although the amount of work on my plate daily dictates that I have no time for anything less than studying around the clock, sleep has become more scarce and therefore even more vital. *cue my narcoleptic tendencies* 

Back to the papers and case studies. Until next time, strangers. 

lots of lovee

super satisfaction

Diablo tacos in Silver Lake 

For the record the above picture is of the tacos that my friend and I both ate last weekend. TWO people and not just myself. However, twice this week I ate 2 lunches in one day. That is several portions and calories more than necessary. Perhaps the old me and food baby which I have long tried to discipline are once again acting out but this puts me in a very hefty physical and mental state. WHY don't I feel satisfied after each meal? Granted I do feel full during and after the meal has commenced but a few hours later that baby is whining to be indulged once again..so once again my guard is let down and several cookies are usually involved.

I ponder satisfaction and despite my physical expansion if that transfers to my spiritual life. Am I satisfied with God? Is Christ truly enough for me? Swirling curiosity of these questions and seeking self control has motivated me to read my Bible everyday in the hopes of this satisfaction. 

With the sun in my face, music in my ears, a pen at the ready and prayer for an open heart I dive into the book of Romans and listen for the Holy Spirit. I am apprehensive to label this daily study a "New Years resolution" but more of a new life goal, and so far the experience has blown me away by the grace of God to teach me something new everyday. Super satisfaction. 

lots of lovee